HANG ON OR LET GO

THIS IS FICTION: 

DESCRIPTION: THOUGHT PROCESS OF A MIND...

Hanging on from the wall of the terrace, am going through an odd feeling of fear and excitement at the same time. My hands are numb and my shoulders are being tested for its strength of holding my plump body of 50 kg, this heavy body of mine has survived till now for almost 17 years and no, before you could conclude, let me be clear that am not at all upset about the way I look or about the weight I carry of myself. 

So what am I thinking right now? Well, the answer to this question can be another question “why am I doing this to myself”? Am not depressed, Am not upset, Am not that sad as well. Nothing tragic has happened that I have to hang on like this from the 2^nd floor of this beautiful apartment that I can fall anytime to an end of this so called life or atleast with some injuries form where it will be difficult to recover. Yeah, I might be crazy. All I know is I Am doing this just for the thrill of it. I can feel my heart beat thumping so loud inside, I can feel the adrenaline rush which is shooting up in my head as if it might explode anytime. For a moment I can go through all small, big, happy, sad, stupid, brave, shameful, ugly, shocking, surprising and many more incidents of  my life till now, and this moment is just for a fraction of a second, and this fraction of a second is lasting for a long long time. But the sweat in my hands is playing a spoilsport to cut it short. It’s getting so wet, that the slip of my hands to a downfall would be the last thing which may get registered in my conscious mind. Not trying to hold on..not trying to let this moment vanish..not looking down... as I can now see my hands.... giving up to the sweat and gravity..but i somehow still manage to get back and hold on..and am still wondering.. should i hang on or let go...